Friday, 2 December 2016

Sunday, 5 April 2015

Announcing a new business venture...
Like all the best ideas this one is very simple.

It’s luxury bubble bath. But not just luxury bubble bath. We are going to use luxury bubble bath to raise money for good causes, lots of money.

Our business is a ‘not for profit’ called –

‘Take a bath with’
As in ‘Take a bath with David Beckham’ or ‘Take a bath with Cheryl’.

We would also market a range of luxury shower gels under the name of-

‘Take a shower with’
As in ‘take a shower with One Direction’ or ‘Take a shower with Scarlett Johansson’.

Of course being a pre start-up we don’t have any of the people mentioned above signed up…well not yet anyway.

The power of celebrity is a modern phenomenon, and one we intend to leaver for the greater good by giving the thousands or even millions of passionate celebrity fans a unique opportunity to connect with their idols.

Our celebrities would personalise their products by choose the key ingredients and colour of the bath or shower product that will bear their name, from a range of ethically sourced and environmentally sound ingredients. In return a ring fenced amount from the sale price of each item would go to the charity or charities of their choice. Most celebrities already publically support a wide range of charities and some have very personal reasons to support particular charities that are close to their hearts and that could benefit substantially. Celebrities win, fans win and best of all charities win.

This concept would not be limited to the UK, after a successful launch here we would look to repeat the model in other countries, either by setting up subsidiaries or partnering with local suppliers. This idea works anywhere that has celebrities, fans and running water!   

This products publicity would absolutely write itself. The media would fall over themselves to talk about or publish a photo of a celebrity in a bubble bath! And you can just see Johnathon Ross putting a bottle of ‘Take a bath with Cheryl’ on his desk when interviewing her.

Our products would be available as a single item or packaged with other items such as candles into presentation boxes and so perfectly fit the birthday or Xmas present market.

I know I am looking forward to getting my bottle of ‘Take a bath with Kylie’ for my birthday...

 We are entering this project into Richard Branson's 'Pitch To Rich' competition so please visit -
and vote for 'Take a bath with' before 5th May 2015

No one knows better than Sir Richard the power of celebrity and I am sure he would fully appreciate the benefits that ‘Virgin Group’ could derive by association with ‘Take a bath with’ as a key Sponsor.  

PLEASE vote for ‘Take a bath with’ in the Pitch to rich challenge and help get this project off the ground.

 Thanks for reading


Friday, 25 October 2013


At 08:50 on Monday 24th October 2012 an earthquake measuring 3.2 on the Richter scale hit Manchester, UK, causing untold disruption and distress -

* Many were woken well before their giros arrived.
* Several priceless cobbled streets were improved.
* Three areas of historically and scientifically significant litter were disturbed.
* Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting has happened in Manchester. 

A fire place possibly damaged by the earthquake 

One resident, Donna-Marie Dutton, a 15 year old mother-of-three said "It was such a shock, little
Chantal-Bike Shed came running into my bedroom crying. Luckily my youngest two, Brooklyn-Park Bench and Romeo-Showcase Toilets slept through it. I was still shaking when I was shouting at Jeremy kyle later that morning".

Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal for most, and the British Red Cross have so far managed to ship in 800 crates of Sunny Delight to put some colour back into the children’s faces.


£2 buys chips, gravy, mushy peas and blue pop for a family of four.

£10 can take a family to Stockport for the day, where children can play on an unspoiled canal bank among the national collection of shopping trolleys.

£13.50 will buy an 8 year old a Kappa shell suit and hooky cigarettes for a week.

Just 22p will buy a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim!

Everyone's nerves were shattered


Simply email us by return with your credit card details and pin number and we'll do the rest! If you prefer to donate your mobile phone or cash, there are collection points available at your local branches of Paddy Power and most pay day lenders.

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Whinging Aussies

Ricky Ponting throwing his baggy green capped teddy out of his pram after the first Test reminded me that i have often wondered, why it is that the Aussies talk endlessly about 'the whinging poms'? With absolutely no sense of irony at all they whine on and on about it.

When i visited Australia a few years ago i was amazed that from the Taxi driver who picked me up at the airport when i arrived, to the taxi driver who took me back to the airport two weeks later, and every single Australian person i met in between, moaned. Not little moans interspersed with warm words of welcome but endless moans and whinges about; the 'bloody slopes' (a non pc Aussie term for Asians) who 'owned' everything, the 'bloody Government', 'the bloody crap pension', 'the bloody Greek immigrants', 'the bloody Abbos' (a non pc Aussie term for real Aussies), the 'bloody whinging poms' of course and on, and bloody on, and bloody on...

Without fail every time i was introduced to any Aussie they would all say 'oh, another bloody whinging pom' before embarking on their own endless list of moans and gripes.

If the Aussies win the ashes they should wear them with sackcloth to feel more at home.

The Aussies are of course a great sporting nation - as long as they are winning that is. If they don't win then that Tasmania sized chip that they all carry on their shoulders starts to show. Hence Ricky’s tantrum over two minutes lost last week and PM Howards face like a smacked arse when he had to present the Rugby world cup to Martin Johnson in 2003.

Friday, 26 June 2009

The man is dead...

Waco Jako larger than life even in death.

The news that Michael Jackson has died aged fifty was both shocking and surprising, especially to a fellow fifty year old. The news didn't just affect myself and my wife but my 19 year old daughter and her friends as well. Which other artist would span the generations like that? We all grew up with the music of Jako.
As always in such circumstances my heart goes out to his family. It is bad enough losing a loved one but doing it in such a white hot media frenzy...i can only imagine.

Now to what next -

I am waiting for the –

Was it suicide? What if Jako knew he could not manage the 50 odd concerts or was afraid he would disappoint his fans if he went ahead - why not go out whilst ‘back at the top’, having sold out his massive comeback concerts. Then he would leave people thinking he was going to make the biggest comeback ever!

Or, his backers knew the concerts would be a disaster/not be completed so they had him killed to cash in on the massive insurance taken out on him to cover the hugely expensive O2 concerts.

Or, his death was engineered to coincide with his securing his ‘Neverland’ property again. So it can now become the new ‘Graceland’ cash cow for his estate.

Or, is he dead at all? “Jako sighted at Tokyo airport”, "Jako is living on private island in Bahrain”. “Jako is living in disguise as a gardener at his Neverland memorial themepark”.

Or even – “I swear there is a guy who looks like Jako working down our chipshop”

All i can say is ‘The man is dead’.

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

And the winner is...

Why is everyone getting hot under the collar about the election results in Iran? Ahmadinejad is obviously wildly popular with his people, who are themselves such enthusiastic voters that in two provinces, Mazandaran and Yazd, more votes were actually cast than there were eligible voters. You don’t get that kind of voter enthusiasm in the UK.

He is in fact now so fantastically popular that his reformist rival Mehdi Karrubi who polled 55.5% in 2005 in his home province of Lorestan, polled only 4.6% this time amongst his own tribal ethnic group. And Mehdi has the nerve to question this...

The hard line Ahmadinejad not only took all the new votes cast in the surprisingly large turnout but also apparently took all the ‘moderate’ votes from the 2005 election and even managed to persuade 47.5% of the ‘reformist’ voters who had in 2005 despised him. What a man! What charisma! What a beige jacket!

I find it hard to understand how people can describe the Iranian election and the counting of votes as in any way corrupt or flawed.
On the contrary Ahmadinejad was informed within two hours of the polls closing that he had won. How can that be seen as anything other than just being really, really, really efficient. I mean I couldn’t see that many millions of votes being counted that quickly here in the UK or US. In fact I don’t think the results are in yet for Bush v Gore from Florida 2000...

Monday, 15 June 2009

Don't vote for me, vote for you!

With so much talk of the need for political change, and the plethora of micro democratic reform inspired groups popping up, perhaps we are moving toward the inevitable conclusion of any mature party based democracy – we each become our own party. We all then get to vote for someone who exactly espouses our views and in whom we can justifiably place our trust and confidence. Voting would be compulsory and the only name on the ballot paper would be one’s own. This would mean we all get the government we deserve and no one could complain about not being represented. There would be no minorities to complain or majorities to crow, no manifesto promises would be reneged on and everyone would have to whip themselves.
As everyone would be ‘perpetually elected’ the people who would actually sit in the House of Lords and the House of Commons would have to be selected at random in a similar manner to the current Jury Service call up. Once selected for service in either house the representative must decide on a term of service, with a minimum term of one day to a maximum of one month. This would ensure that parliament is constantly being refreshed, with no one becoming complacent or stale and may of course necessitate the installation of a revolving door.
All ministers including the Prime Minister would be selected by a secret ballot of the whole house each morning. This will not just keep each PM on their toes, but also add an entertaining level of bewilderment to the answers at Prime ministers question time. It is not expected that the daily changing of ministers will in any way affect the Civil Service’s ability to run the Ministries.
Anyone selected to sit in the House of Lords will not only get to choose their title but also get to keep it for Life. In fact all such new titles will be ‘Hereditary’, meaning that over time the numbers of those with titles will eventually end up outnumbering those without. Leading on to an inevitable point somewhere in the
future where everyone is a Lord or Lady, Duke or Duchess, Earl or... well you get the point. Of course as no one with a title is allowed to sit in the Commons this would eventually mean that the only person legally able to sit there and to simultaneously occupy all the Governmental posts would be Tony Benn.

Works for me...