Monday, 25 May 2009

Pandemic of Westminster ‘Sleaze Flu’ sweeps country

The new outbreak of ‘sleaze flu’ currently sweeping the nation is causing great concern amongst the political classes. It is claiming new victims daily and no one knows who or where it will strike next. In an attempt to protect themselves from the devastating onslaught of this condition. MP’s are having to take such drastic measures as keeping their noses clean and their heads down, some have even resorted to working in their constituencies. Many of the victims of ‘sleaze flu’ manage to hang on pitifully, providing a sad public spectacle for a few days once infected, but all serious cases are likely to prove fatal at least as far as careers go. One such victim who did not wish to be named complained that due to the stigma attached to ‘sleaze flu’ he would find it almost impossible to find another job. “Who is going to employ me now” he said bitterly “Lords knows where will i find another job as a ‘speaker’”.
The disease, which first came to prominence in the 1990’s when it devastated the Conservative Government of John Major, was long thought to be eradicated in the UK with just the odd UKIP outbreak in Brussels. However the ‘new variant sleaze flu’ strain (which knows no party boundaries) has some very distinctive traits. It can start with very small symptoms such as a ‘bath plug’, ‘chocolate hobnobs’ or even 'two completely innocent porn films'. Then before you know it the victims are confused about exactly where they live, they forget they have paid off their mortgages and in a few very serious cases their moats have to be thoroughly cleaned out.

‘When sleaze is the disease, voting Jury Team is the sure cure!’

Perry Wilsher
Independent Candidate
East Midlands
Euro Elections

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